PeeU in the Pew.

  Hey Parents, have you ever had a moment where you think to yourself; That can't possibly be my child, it just could not be! Here is one of mine, enjoy.

  Many of my children's amusing, heart stopping, hilarious, nail-biting moments happen during church services. I assure you that the story I am about to share is off the chart. I just hope that God has a sense of humor and not a sense of smell, at least with this one.

  It was a Thursday evening and we attended the Epiphany service at our church. Three of my four sons were the Wise Men in the church program. They looked so cute in the last minute costumes my husband made for them out of spare paint drapes. They made it down the aisle with their gifts to place at the front of the church without any hiccups, "SUCCESS" I thought to myself. Shew!

  They returned to the pew and sat with us. This night, we were asked if we would sit closer to the front of the church since the boys had their roles to play. During normal church services we sit in the back pew for an easy escape route, with four young boys you never know what or will happen!

 Our Pastor then started to deliver his sermon and began it with The Three Wise Men and the gifts of frankincense, myrrh and gold.

  As soon as the sermon started, my son, Lucas, had a hard time controlling himself, as lots of children do. I asked him numerous times to sit still and be quite and finally, there was five minutes of peace on earth and then....out of the clear blue, LARGE sounds exited Lucas's rear end. My ears could not believe it, how could something so LOUD, come from something so small? I'm quite sure the hard wooden pew played a part in helping. It was as if someone set off a machine gun, POP...POP...POP...POP..POP. POP!!

  (And keep in mind, this all happens in seconds!)

  So if that was not bad enough, after the shots rang out, a second had passed and Lucas calmly cupped his hand and placed it to his rear, he then placed his cupped hand over his nose. This gives a whole new meaning to GAS MASK!!!

 So if that was not worse enough, another second passed and as Lucas sat there, he then placed one foot on the pew and then the other foot on the pew and lowered his head between his legs.

  I was in total shock and quickly looked at my husband to see if he saw and smelled, never mind heard (who didn't?!?!), what I just witnessed, and yep, he indeed did.

  Tears began to run down my face, I slid down into the pew (no pun intended) and I went into total hysteria. Do you know how many sounds you can make by trying to hold in pure laughter, I made every single one of them. My husband could no longer look my way and began to count window panes to keep some kind of composer.

  As this is happening, our Dear Pastor Luther is still delivering his sermon, and he is now discussing the aromas of the frankincense and myrrh, which only added to my hysteria. Pastor Luther looked at me many times throughout his sermon, as I was about to bust open my guts everywhere. He probably thought, wow, she has finally lost it! I thought very hard about excusing myself from the sermon but I don't believe I could have walked out on my own two feet, and crawling just was not an option.

  After the sermon, a lady sitting in the next pew approached me and said, "I'm sure you get told this all the time but your son (Lucas) reminds me so much of Dennis the Menace." I replied, "All the time."

 My husband and I really wanted to explain to Pastor Luther what had happened but we just did not know quite where to start, just because a fart.

 And perhaps, that is why we have kids....God Bless (HELP) Us All in our moments and God Love Lucas!!


Dana Hunt-Me

Happenings- January, 7th 2013